Sequels generally flop pretty bad....i hope this one doesn't...
I was sitting in class bobbing my head like a jackass trying to portray as if I understood every word the professor said while my hands were busy (ahem) printing out an assignment which was due in an hour. The professor suddenly switched to the question answer session, “what is round robin scheduling?" he asked. “Yes you”…he was pointing to my friend sitting next to me busy doing the same thing I was but was a little less smart while doing that. Anna my friend stood up and assumed the form of a saint. “Scheduling …..blah blah blah….actually sir …..white house….’Batla’….mulund…(random crap)” (All along with an incredible constipated expression on his face). The class was trying hard not to laugh while the professor was frantically trying to make sense of what Anna just said, not convinced he moved his eyes on me and I asked “Question professor?”, the professor did not bother to answer my Question with his question, next up was lulla. He got up and as expected did not know the answer but was still allowed to sit down, because his hand was in a cast or because the professor had feelings for him is not known yet.
**Anna - Mulund Yellow Pages. He probably carried the phone number for every "Mulund ka aadmi" in his cell phone. He has this habit of inviting everyone he met from Mulund to his house..."Are tu mulund mein rehta hai? Mere ghar pe aa milne" was his sincere request everytime. There was one instance where I told me I had to pee real bad and he said “Mera uncle baaju mein rehta hai uske idhar muut ke aa sakta hai”.
**Lulla - Vishesh - The Broken Bone Boy is an eternal lulla because he has this peculiar habit of getting his bones fractured regularly. He is also anti-engineering because he never took any extra coaching throughout his glorious years in Somaiya but yet cleared everything without KT’s, his achievements also include certifying files for hopeless cases with such precise signatures that made the real one’s look fake.
The Mexican wave of people being asked questions and made to sit on answering was furiously moving along the classroom when suddenly the wave was disturbed, standing on the door showcasing 30 of his 32 pearlies was “Sankhe”
**Sankhe cannot be described, you have to experience this legend. Amongst his many legendary stories is one which I experienced firsthand. I met Sankhe in college when he was about to write one of his KT exams for the third time, on being asked whether he would ever clear it he convinced us he was progressing when he said “First attempt mein main 5 min baitha, second mein 10 min…progress kar raha hun”. It was then that he realized that he had forgotten his hall ticket, he made his brother come down from Mulund to deliver his hall ticket….what made my day was what Sankhe told his brother when he arrived “15 minute ruk dono saath mein nikalte” (And he kept his promise).
Sankhe was standing in the door wanting to come in, on being asked why he was late….Sankhe was sentimental “Meri daadi bimar hai sir” (This was a new because it was usually “Bhai ka fees”). He was allowed to come in and was the reason for the question answer session ending. Nothing much exciting happened after that except the professor muttering “What is your ‘poblem’?” a couple times to people seemingly more disturbed than the other students.
The lukkhas were free for 10 mins till the next 2 hour ordeal began. It was time for Bhavesh ka badbad, Shinde ko bumps, lulle ka shanpatti, Ranka ka ganda dekho, Rama ka rona, Pappi ki lalkaar, Sai ka padna bimar,Vinod ka chamdigiri , Anna ka ragpatti, Owlekar ka guitar, “Bhaiya ka ghaati jokes”. Well just to set the record straight our “Group” I’m sure was the creator of PJ’s in the world, no really we were BADASS pakau, to the point of sounding alien to people around us but I carved a niche for myself with my ‘khudki maaro’ jokes. I’ve never had a day in college when I was not told “bhaiya tu ghar ja”…and in a strange twisted way I am proud of that…..ask my current friends and I haven’t really changed much (fortunately or unfortunately is for you to decide).
**Owlekar - was the guitarist of the group who just like Nimit was often blank during conversations and so was referred to as "Blanko". We've had many a memorable singing sessions thanks to him.
**Vinod – He was the ultimate chamdi, he had the nastiest observations for people, you argued with him at your own peril. He was also the partner during out group studies during the last few semesters and probably the only reason I cleared my engineering with “Sar utha ke jeeyo” grades.
The lectures ended and I left with my usual hang out mates Vinod and Anna to have some Maggi Bonda, lecher at some ladies and generally waste time….followed by ofcourse FOOTBALL!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
A random day lost in time....
I started writing this blog with plenty on my mind but soon found memory fading and yet i ended up with a leeeenthy blog. It should make most sense to my engineering friends but i guess it'll be a fun read for anyone who was ever part of a close knit group during their college days
This morning I was chatting with a good friend of mine and like it is often the case, we drifted down memory lane about how much fun college was and how life will never ever be so much fun. Better maybe but never as much fun. Probably because never again in life will ‘Bas KT nai lagna mangta, chalees mila toh party’ be the only responsible(?) statement during your conversation. Never again in life will you look forward to meeting the same old bunch of more or less equally irresponsible human beings every day. Never again will "making animal noises from the last bench while the professor is trying to ‘teach’ you" be the accepted form of entertainment. Never again will you be making choices about which lecture is bearable enough to be graced with your presence. “Saala pacchees page ka assignment chapne ka hai” will never again be the biggest hurdle of the week for you. There will be no canteen ki chhool and never ever will you be bunking your lectures to play football with your mates.
Alright much has been written on this topic, every sucker that passes out of college has ranted about why college was so much better. But yet I wanted to write this because I genuinely believe i could add something new to this overused topic, that and I know how nostalgic second rate blogs still manage to get more views than top notch literary masterpieces on obscure topics. So having cleared my intentions I’ll try to paint a picture of how a typical day in my life during engineering looked.
The day is around the end of the semester with a last few days of lectures, when it was hard to find a table or sometimes even a classroom empty to finish those ‘assignments’ you forgot to download from a friends assignment, when finding a professor who would certify your file be like finding Kryptonite and when you most regretted bunking a lecture which everybody else attended, not because you missed the ‘gyan’ by the professor but because that was the day everybody was busy writing the ‘extra’ assignment some professor fantasized during his sleep.
LOCATION – CITY(?) Kalyan, District – Thane, Maharashtra.
TIME : Early morning (11:30).
I am essentially carrying 5 files supposed to be stuffed with 6 months of knowledge I garnered during the semester. I’m making a dash for the 11:30 slow local for Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus for no apparent reason because I know I won’t be attending the lecture anyways. I make it just on time and enter the “phars clas comparmant” where I meet my fellow crusader Rajesh.
** Rajesh a.k.a rajjo, kanya is the the other Kalyan ka ghati who’s been my mate since school, junior college and now engineering.
Me: “Rajjo harami ticket counter pe milne bola tha, train mein nai”
Rajjo : “Bhaiye main 10 min khada tha udhar nai aaya toh train mein chad gaya”
Me: “Who chod, mera DSP ka third assignment kidhar hai kutte, ek mahine pehle diya tha”
Rajjo : “Ghanta main pandu se chaapa who, mere paas nai hai”
Me : “Sanap saala chori kiya rahega, saala nai mila toh 10 page wapas taapna padega”
Rajjo : “Kitna file sign hua?”
Me: “3 complete hai sign ek bhi nai hua, Surve ganda nakhra kar rahi hai sign karne”
Rajjo : “Ranka saale ka ek hi baaki hai”
Me: “Who chatu saala sab complete kar liya rahega”
We then move on to other important topics of conversation like why the Director is /insert maa bhen ki gaali/ for making attendance compulsory.
We’re now approaching Ghatkopar and it’s time to start wrestling so we can get down at the much loved “Vidyavihar” station and the usual question answer session…
ME: “Vidyavihar utrega kya?”
Some weird looking uncle : “Kurla”
Me: “Toh peeche aao na Kurla ko time hai”.
We get down, check to make sure the valuable files are safe and begin with the daily ritual of “Junior college ka item (?) log ko taapneka” which we refer to by “Ganda dekho”.
We decide to walk to college today because I’ve run out of “Both side ruled” sheets, next stop “Nirmal book Depot”. After arming ourselves with the goods we march towards the sprawling Somaiya campus. We come across the usual bunch of Junior college students busy with **Commercegiri.
**Commercegiri is a concept of looking incredibly relaxed because you know you are doing commerce so will only end up working in a call center. This particular breed of young talented students is usually seen with unusually huge backpacks, outdated mobile phones with ringtones being played for no useful purpose.
We enter KJSCOE, head to the canteen gulp a vada pav and make our way to the classroom through the elevator with a staff menacingly staring at us because the elevator has a warning which says “Only for Staff”.
We’re greeted by Nimit and Bhavesh.
**Nimit - Blank of Baroda for his habit of drawing blank during conversations for no good reason, has an infectious laughter and the typical gujju way of brightening up any gloomy moment.
**Bhavesh a.k.a Bon Bon is the non-stop chatterbox gujju who was much hated in his early days because he was the “Diploma ka shaana”. Later however he was more or less always the planner of outings and ghaatigiris outside college and the one who you knew would be prepared during the Vivas ;)
Nimit : “Aa gaye Kalyan ke ghaati log”
Rajjo : “Aaaa Nimiteshhhh”
Nimit : “Ghati log kitna file khatam hua”
Rajjo ignores him,turns away and starts walking towards spiky.
** Spiky : Is known for his simple yet effective humor with legendary answers like “Round Robin scheduling is scheduling that takes place in a round robin fashion”, a Maharahtrian with no traces of Maharastrianism in him, rumor is he can barely speak and understand Marathi.
Spiky is busy devouring sheets after sheets of paper with the most optimum compression algorithm known to mankind. He can compress a 10 page assignment into 2 pages without arousing any suspicion from the professors.
Rajjo : “Spiky saale mera assignment likh ke de na”
Spiky : “Hata saala merko poora DSP ka file khatam karne ka hai”
Enter Ranka with a smug smile which says he has just finished with his hard labor for the semester.
**Ranka : Is a Jain with a tenacious personality, is the worst kind of teachers pet but the kind of pet who’ll pee on the master in the face without the slightest remorse.
Ranka : “Rajooooo kal united thoka Chelsea ko”
Rajjo shows no reaction, he waits for backup from his other Chel$ki mates. Ranka is interrupted by spiky who has safely chosen to support Real Madrid because almost no one cares who lives or dies in the Spanish league.
Spiky : “Saala tum manu ka log ek match jeta toh itna uchalta hai”
Ranka (With his earth shattering laughter) : “Madrid ghaati kal 2-0 haara hahahahhaa”
Spiky (Tries to come up with a retort but can only say) : “Hata saala”
Enter Rama : Rama is the ultimate pessimist, the kind you would not want your shadow wandering around before exams. He can manage to sulk during the happiest of moments for the tiniest problems.
Rama : “Kya yaar kitna file complete karneka, Dhummal saala ghar chala gaya”
Rajjo : “Rama sai kidhar hai”
Rama : “Who saala kal football ke baad mineral water peeya aur bimar pad gaya”
Everybody is now busy discussing Sai and why he is so fragile when suddenly we notice Shinde.
** Shinde our favorite punching bag. Is a lanky Marathi Mannos again who lives in ‘Town’.
Someone suddenly felt the need to give him birthday bums and everybody around obliged, Shinde was then carried like a sack outside the class and flung in the air like a ragdoll by everybody around, including some ‘infra’ ka seniors.
**Sai – The most audacious Chel$ki fan who is known to fall sick even if a fly kicked him in the face.
Enter Phaphe and Pandya
**Phaphe – He is the Marathi manoos of the group a.k.a Maahim mein chaddi pehen ke ghumne waala, but is now popular as Ashfaq miyan for well err…nevermind. He is also the tallest in the group and at times is known to turn horny looking at Rajjo.
**Pandya a.k.a Salesman has never been spotted in college with more than a register and a pen in his hand, he still mysteriously completes his assignment, but has never yet been seen with a file.
Phaphe and Pandya are currently enjoying free unlimited calling on their BPL network, why they chose to add each other on that plan is a matter of contention but the bigger concern is these days they talk to each other on the phone even while sitting next to each other.
Phaphe : “Saala Viva chalu hone waala hai merko ganda ratne chalu karne ka hai”
Rajjo : “Tu crash course lagane wala hai kya?”
Phaphe : “Sab subject ka laga liya, sab ganda ratne ka hai”
I was meanwhile looking around for a professor who would give me the much coveted final submission signature on one of my files little did I know that I wasn’t getting anything else done on that day. Because someone from the other class was free enough to play football.
Nimit spotted him and there was only thing possible from there on…..a football match between IT A and IT B.
Gaah, too long but I still tried to keep it short also deleted some other characters, to be introduced in the next blog probably.
This morning I was chatting with a good friend of mine and like it is often the case, we drifted down memory lane about how much fun college was and how life will never ever be so much fun. Better maybe but never as much fun. Probably because never again in life will ‘Bas KT nai lagna mangta, chalees mila toh party’ be the only responsible(?) statement during your conversation. Never again in life will you look forward to meeting the same old bunch of more or less equally irresponsible human beings every day. Never again will "making animal noises from the last bench while the professor is trying to ‘teach’ you" be the accepted form of entertainment. Never again will you be making choices about which lecture is bearable enough to be graced with your presence. “Saala pacchees page ka assignment chapne ka hai” will never again be the biggest hurdle of the week for you. There will be no canteen ki chhool and never ever will you be bunking your lectures to play football with your mates.
Alright much has been written on this topic, every sucker that passes out of college has ranted about why college was so much better. But yet I wanted to write this because I genuinely believe i could add something new to this overused topic, that and I know how nostalgic second rate blogs still manage to get more views than top notch literary masterpieces on obscure topics. So having cleared my intentions I’ll try to paint a picture of how a typical day in my life during engineering looked.
The day is around the end of the semester with a last few days of lectures, when it was hard to find a table or sometimes even a classroom empty to finish those ‘assignments’ you forgot to download from a friends assignment, when finding a professor who would certify your file be like finding Kryptonite and when you most regretted bunking a lecture which everybody else attended, not because you missed the ‘gyan’ by the professor but because that was the day everybody was busy writing the ‘extra’ assignment some professor fantasized during his sleep.
LOCATION – CITY(?) Kalyan, District – Thane, Maharashtra.
TIME : Early morning (11:30).
I am essentially carrying 5 files supposed to be stuffed with 6 months of knowledge I garnered during the semester. I’m making a dash for the 11:30 slow local for Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus for no apparent reason because I know I won’t be attending the lecture anyways. I make it just on time and enter the “phars clas comparmant” where I meet my fellow crusader Rajesh.
** Rajesh a.k.a rajjo, kanya is the the other Kalyan ka ghati who’s been my mate since school, junior college and now engineering.
Me: “Rajjo harami ticket counter pe milne bola tha, train mein nai”
Rajjo : “Bhaiye main 10 min khada tha udhar nai aaya toh train mein chad gaya”
Me: “Who chod, mera DSP ka third assignment kidhar hai kutte, ek mahine pehle diya tha”
Rajjo : “Ghanta main pandu se chaapa who, mere paas nai hai”
Me : “Sanap saala chori kiya rahega, saala nai mila toh 10 page wapas taapna padega”
Rajjo : “Kitna file sign hua?”
Me: “3 complete hai sign ek bhi nai hua, Surve ganda nakhra kar rahi hai sign karne”
Rajjo : “Ranka saale ka ek hi baaki hai”
Me: “Who chatu saala sab complete kar liya rahega”
We then move on to other important topics of conversation like why the Director is /insert maa bhen ki gaali/ for making attendance compulsory.
We’re now approaching Ghatkopar and it’s time to start wrestling so we can get down at the much loved “Vidyavihar” station and the usual question answer session…
ME: “Vidyavihar utrega kya?”
Some weird looking uncle : “Kurla”
Me: “Toh peeche aao na Kurla ko time hai”.
We get down, check to make sure the valuable files are safe and begin with the daily ritual of “Junior college ka item (?) log ko taapneka” which we refer to by “Ganda dekho”.
We decide to walk to college today because I’ve run out of “Both side ruled” sheets, next stop “Nirmal book Depot”. After arming ourselves with the goods we march towards the sprawling Somaiya campus. We come across the usual bunch of Junior college students busy with **Commercegiri.
**Commercegiri is a concept of looking incredibly relaxed because you know you are doing commerce so will only end up working in a call center. This particular breed of young talented students is usually seen with unusually huge backpacks, outdated mobile phones with ringtones being played for no useful purpose.
We enter KJSCOE, head to the canteen gulp a vada pav and make our way to the classroom through the elevator with a staff menacingly staring at us because the elevator has a warning which says “Only for Staff”.
We’re greeted by Nimit and Bhavesh.
**Nimit - Blank of Baroda for his habit of drawing blank during conversations for no good reason, has an infectious laughter and the typical gujju way of brightening up any gloomy moment.
**Bhavesh a.k.a Bon Bon is the non-stop chatterbox gujju who was much hated in his early days because he was the “Diploma ka shaana”. Later however he was more or less always the planner of outings and ghaatigiris outside college and the one who you knew would be prepared during the Vivas ;)
Nimit : “Aa gaye Kalyan ke ghaati log”
Rajjo : “Aaaa Nimiteshhhh”
Nimit : “Ghati log kitna file khatam hua”
Rajjo ignores him,turns away and starts walking towards spiky.
** Spiky : Is known for his simple yet effective humor with legendary answers like “Round Robin scheduling is scheduling that takes place in a round robin fashion”, a Maharahtrian with no traces of Maharastrianism in him, rumor is he can barely speak and understand Marathi.
Spiky is busy devouring sheets after sheets of paper with the most optimum compression algorithm known to mankind. He can compress a 10 page assignment into 2 pages without arousing any suspicion from the professors.
Rajjo : “Spiky saale mera assignment likh ke de na”
Spiky : “Hata saala merko poora DSP ka file khatam karne ka hai”
Enter Ranka with a smug smile which says he has just finished with his hard labor for the semester.
**Ranka : Is a Jain with a tenacious personality, is the worst kind of teachers pet but the kind of pet who’ll pee on the master in the face without the slightest remorse.
Ranka : “Rajooooo kal united thoka Chelsea ko”
Rajjo shows no reaction, he waits for backup from his other Chel$ki mates. Ranka is interrupted by spiky who has safely chosen to support Real Madrid because almost no one cares who lives or dies in the Spanish league.
Spiky : “Saala tum manu ka log ek match jeta toh itna uchalta hai”
Ranka (With his earth shattering laughter) : “Madrid ghaati kal 2-0 haara hahahahhaa”
Spiky (Tries to come up with a retort but can only say) : “Hata saala”
Enter Rama : Rama is the ultimate pessimist, the kind you would not want your shadow wandering around before exams. He can manage to sulk during the happiest of moments for the tiniest problems.
Rama : “Kya yaar kitna file complete karneka, Dhummal saala ghar chala gaya”
Rajjo : “Rama sai kidhar hai”
Rama : “Who saala kal football ke baad mineral water peeya aur bimar pad gaya”
Everybody is now busy discussing Sai and why he is so fragile when suddenly we notice Shinde.
** Shinde our favorite punching bag. Is a lanky Marathi Mannos again who lives in ‘Town’.
Someone suddenly felt the need to give him birthday bums and everybody around obliged, Shinde was then carried like a sack outside the class and flung in the air like a ragdoll by everybody around, including some ‘infra’ ka seniors.
**Sai – The most audacious Chel$ki fan who is known to fall sick even if a fly kicked him in the face.
Enter Phaphe and Pandya
**Phaphe – He is the Marathi manoos of the group a.k.a Maahim mein chaddi pehen ke ghumne waala, but is now popular as Ashfaq miyan for well err…nevermind. He is also the tallest in the group and at times is known to turn horny looking at Rajjo.
**Pandya a.k.a Salesman has never been spotted in college with more than a register and a pen in his hand, he still mysteriously completes his assignment, but has never yet been seen with a file.
Phaphe and Pandya are currently enjoying free unlimited calling on their BPL network, why they chose to add each other on that plan is a matter of contention but the bigger concern is these days they talk to each other on the phone even while sitting next to each other.
Phaphe : “Saala Viva chalu hone waala hai merko ganda ratne chalu karne ka hai”
Rajjo : “Tu crash course lagane wala hai kya?”
Phaphe : “Sab subject ka laga liya, sab ganda ratne ka hai”
I was meanwhile looking around for a professor who would give me the much coveted final submission signature on one of my files little did I know that I wasn’t getting anything else done on that day. Because someone from the other class was free enough to play football.
Nimit spotted him and there was only thing possible from there on…..a football match between IT A and IT B.
Gaah, too long but I still tried to keep it short also deleted some other characters, to be introduced in the next blog probably.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Difference between a Friend and a Gaali friend
First blog...well first because the others were lame(Hoping against hope this one is not)
So I've had tonnes of friends in my life, i've valued all of them. I haven't always bothered to tell them that but if they did not understand that themselves they weren't really my Gaali friends, yes you read that right....a GALI friend. This is a special category of friends i made, during school, Engineering and my MS. Now that i've introduced you to this tacky sounding term it is imperetive that i explain what i mean by that, so here goes.........
Q: Give scientific differences between a Friend and a gaali friend
A: 1. When you call friends you say hello, when you call the gaali friends you use the foulest word that comes to your mind (Kaisa hai "Insert favourite abuse here")
2. A friend will console you when you're fucked, gaali friend will laugh his ass off because you were stupid (leather seats to my MS "friends"?)
3. A friend will chat with you and call you regularly, a gaali freind will meet you after years but it'll still feel like you met him the day before. (You even do things you did when you met regularly.....i still talk about making life miserable for my engg. teachers when i meet one of my gaali freinds from that age, i still eat at the chinese tapri when i meet my friend from Junior college....i still wanna play CS all night when i meet my MS friends)
4. A friend will know you but when you 'KNOW' someone he is a gaali friend( I know which friend to get drunk when i need maximum entertainment...yes you HellzAngel)
5. A friend will wish you on your birthday, a gaali friend will meet you weeks after your birthday and tell you "Harami mera party kidhar hai?"
6. When you fight with a freind you have to make up....when you fight a gaali friend you will sit over a drink like nothing happened...no one apologises...end of)
I believe this should get me full marks for this question....but i'm sure i'll add some more points to this list.....so to all my Gaali friends who are by now laughing while using some really colourful words....cheers to you!
So I've had tonnes of friends in my life, i've valued all of them. I haven't always bothered to tell them that but if they did not understand that themselves they weren't really my Gaali friends, yes you read that right....a GALI friend. This is a special category of friends i made, during school, Engineering and my MS. Now that i've introduced you to this tacky sounding term it is imperetive that i explain what i mean by that, so here goes.........
Q: Give scientific differences between a Friend and a gaali friend
A: 1. When you call friends you say hello, when you call the gaali friends you use the foulest word that comes to your mind (Kaisa hai "Insert favourite abuse here")
2. A friend will console you when you're fucked, gaali friend will laugh his ass off because you were stupid (leather seats to my MS "friends"?)
3. A friend will chat with you and call you regularly, a gaali freind will meet you after years but it'll still feel like you met him the day before. (You even do things you did when you met regularly.....i still talk about making life miserable for my engg. teachers when i meet one of my gaali freinds from that age, i still eat at the chinese tapri when i meet my friend from Junior college....i still wanna play CS all night when i meet my MS friends)
4. A friend will know you but when you 'KNOW' someone he is a gaali friend( I know which friend to get drunk when i need maximum entertainment...yes you HellzAngel)
5. A friend will wish you on your birthday, a gaali friend will meet you weeks after your birthday and tell you "Harami mera party kidhar hai?"
6. When you fight with a freind you have to make up....when you fight a gaali friend you will sit over a drink like nothing happened...no one apologises...end of)
I believe this should get me full marks for this question....but i'm sure i'll add some more points to this list.....so to all my Gaali friends who are by now laughing while using some really colourful words....cheers to you!
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